DWQA QuestionsCategory: Limiting BeliefsA client asks: “Why is my wife so refractory to any discussion of extraterrestrials, and is completely without curiosity about the recent appearance on the news by a former Navy fighter pilot showing Department of Defense footage taken of a UFO over the California coast doing impossible maneuvers, saying he was convinced it was extraterrestrial in origin?”
Nicola Staff asked 3 years ago

Well, such an eventuality as you describe would be reason for an open-minded person to reconsider their views on the matter. For someone who is rigid in their thinking, that may well not happen and that is the case here. It is not that she is under the total grip of the interlopers and not allowed to think, it is that she has a very strict hierarchy of beliefs and she will not deviate at all from what is there as currently accepted.

This has served her well because following the rules has allowed her to be successful and it helps her with her interpersonal relationships as well to have a strict code of conduct based on principles that are carved in stone and this she applies to everything, so she is quite a black or white thinker. The programming that gets in first, carves the tablets, so to speak, and then she, in referring to the commandments, will act accordingly and will not tolerate within herself any deviation, as this she uses as a yardstick of her own performance. As this was the environment in which she grew up—where certain conduct was expected, there were many rules, and the acceptance by the caregivers was dependent on her performance and her steadfast compliance with the rules of conduct. She has absorbed this to a fault and will not allow deviation to happen.

So a novel idea threatens this hierarchy of beliefs and will simply be rejected without further consideration. This is why she is refractory to logic, to reason, to the presentation of new information. It is all rejected out of hand because it does not fit the previous programming, most of which came from her parents and peers, and now she is a hostage to her rigid way of applying the rules. While it is a valuable mode of behavior in learning and growth and becoming a mature, responsible citizen and partner in a relationship, it is a hindrance to expansion of knowledge, particularly when there may be many faults in the cultural beliefs and a need to break free of old thinking and the way the institutions are constructed and managed.

So she will be left behind every time by sticking with the old programming, no matter what. This is just something you will have to live with as it is the way she operates. Given sufficient evidence and sufficient length of time, she can make changes, but it is not easy for her and there is ego involvement as well because she was taught to pride herself on being so steadfast and consistent. And being right is very, very important for her on an ego basis and that adds a further cost to her if she is willing to entertain any information that conflicts with her beliefs. That is why the door closes immediately with any unconventional subject matter.