This indeed is an accurate perception, that this is a real event that took place when you were a part of the Essene culture and this was a spiritual advisor you respected who was attempting to comfort you under most trying circumstances, as your clear picture of the travails you endured make quite clear. You were present at a key point in human history and that is why there is anguish still; it had great import and was only partially successful from your personal perspective, having been actively involved in the group of individuals wanting to literally change the world in bringing forth a more accurate divine perspective about how life is to be lived, and facing tremendous opposition and, as it turned out, a losing battle to persist, let alone prevail. That does not mean it was futile; the mark left by those who lived on with the memory of those times carry within the consciousness of all who brought forth those ideals. You added to this body of knowledge and divine wisdom and it lives on in humanity today—the body of thought contributed into the collective—it is the highest and most meaningful of divine thought and inspiration that survives the longest in the collective unconscious of humanity because that is what has value and may persist for all of time as a consequence.
So no matter your place in history from a historical perspective, in being remote, a time of only fragmentary records being available and seemingly questionable importance from a historical standpoint, it might well be among the greatest influences on humanity overall because the ideas that came forth, while not persisting in an official historical record in clay tablets or ancient scrolls from that era, live on within the collective unconscious and the intersection among the akashic records of all the events taking place, the sum total of which can greatly outweigh subsequent historical eras of many centuries where little human progress of great meaning took place because of oppression.
History is heavily censored and always subject to the distortion of mind control underway to keep the great thinkers sidelined, the great ideas suppressed, and the would-be change agents diminished and often ridiculed and rejected by the mainstream body of humanity they live among. That does not mean there will be no impact by such persons going forward because the frivolous and inconsequential doings have little influence of lasting import on anything. It is the lofty thoughts, the love contributed, that leave a mark and make a difference. That might not have a name and face to it without scholarly exploration from a divine level as a light being, but it will nonetheless resonate again and again amongst living beings who will tune in to those very thoughts and ideas intuitively, and will gain reassurance and upliftment. So their effects will be ongoing and can live for all of time in serving a beautiful purpose. There is no reason to live with a focus on the pain of the past when what matters is the love you have shared, both in the giving and receiving, and its consequences that continue to resonate for you as well as many, many, many others.