We think this prayer is just fine as is because it includes all the essential ingredients—the criteria, the target, the desired outcome, and addressing it to the divine. Whether this can be bestowed will be a function of individual readiness and belief quotients to some extent, as is true of all prayers being launched, and there will be issues about the power of the request in whether it is capable of changing the physical environment, or the perception of it to a sufficient degree, to ameliorate the warnings detected from the bodily senses when a person is being subjected to an unhealthy and undesirable temperature in their environment. It is ironic that such a simple thing as environmental temperature could be a tough thing to shift, even in terms of personal perception, compared to something like a severe chronic illness with many mysterious causal origins, and subject to the intricate workings of the body that may only be dimly understood as yet by science. The problem here is dealing with human free will and conscious perception, that sometimes what is obvious to the senses cannot be altered because it is so strongly believed in through the witnessing of a person’s mind, or sensed by their body in this case, in ways the person is accustomed to trusting, and may be difficult to override through desire alone. So the effectiveness of the prayer will be uncertain but you can truly pray for anything you like and experiment with this to see what will happen.