You are alive because you are here and you are important as a divine human. This makes you special and no different than anyone else with respect to your origin, your lineage, your purpose, and your standing with the divine, regardless of what you think of yourself and what may have happened to you or not happened during the course of your life so far. You are in a place of great difficulty, a high level of corruption, filled with obstacles to progress and success, and are set upon relentlessly by the darkness to undermine you and bring many repeated insults and travails and sources of discomfort and pain. This takes many forms of expression, from plans that failed to work out, being around people who ignore you or let you down in some way, as well as having limited inner resources as a consequence of the slings and arrows you have experienced that wear you down and make you feel hopeless. That is the purpose of the torment inflicted. It is specifically to discourage people and make them miserable. You are in a contest with the darkness for control. They are doing all they can, to make as many people as unhappy as they can arrange. The more people they corrupt and the worse they treat one another, the more this adds to the challenge and the difficulty for all to have a decent life. Your destiny is far greater than the grim life you lead reflects. What is needed here is some deep karmic repair and healing for you, and to work to counter the suppression and subjugation raining down on you, by the interlopers wanting you to feel helpless and indeed to give up. It is still a choice and one you do not have to make. You can get divine help, especially if you seek it actively, and cultivate a belief in the possibility, your voice will be heard and you can be raised up. It is not too late.