DWQA QuestionsCategory: KarmaIt’s rare when parents perfectly share the most enlightened approach to raising children. Not only do they have to navigate the relationship with their own child, but often find themselves witnesses to the unhealthy relationships between their child and the other parent. Intervening in these relationships is fraught with all kinds of hazards up to and including divorce and custody battles. When a spouse is confronted with a spouse whose parenting skills leave something to be desired, and are rooted in deeply held beliefs they are in no mood to have questioned, yet clearly are problematic and perhaps even damaging to the children, what is Creator’s advice for a parent simply wanting the best outcome for all involved?
Nicola Staff asked 1 month ago

We like the question putting things in those terms “there needs to be consideration of all involved.” All too often people think more selfishly, they take issue with the acts of another and their motives, and simply demand they change to conform to the other person’s preconceived notions of what is appropriate and acceptable without thinking about what the other person is really wanting to have happen, and what might be their motivation in having their own approach that is different. There is often a healing need on display, and perhaps for both parties—one’s finding fault with another is not always right. There might be an exaggerated hypercritical and judgmental overreaction to something that is truly not warranted, but is a personal idiosyncrasy or characteristic of their personality and may well have karmic roots that set them up to be more authoritarian and quick to judge others with a harsh tone, and perhaps an overreaction that is punitive and will cause a backlash and then really get a fight going. There are many possible scenarios, as you can imagine, in various personality types, depth of knowledge about human motivations, and always with great ignorance about the karmic predispositions within their own being, let alone another party, that will guide their actions and overall behavior because of deep inner beliefs often residing within the deep subconscious their conscious level is completely unaware of.

Because of these complexities, it is often the case that the best approach might be to seek counseling from a third party who can help the two parents negotiate a way to deal with these differences in outlook and reach a compromise that is agreeable and acceptable to both, and this can well preserve a marriage and may be enough to deal adequately with the needs of the children so they are not exposed to the most extreme of contrasts in having to learn how to please two quite differing sets of parental expectations. But perhaps a middle ground compromise agreed to by all involved will be doable, and the lesser of evils, by tempering something that is more extreme than healthy needs can tolerate, and rein in extreme parenting that could be harmful to the healthy development of the child. It is ideal if both parents are in divine alignment, so that even when inner karmic foibles might cause them to deviate from what is desirable, and an optimal parenting strategy, it will enable them to listen to reason and more be open to the wisdom of finding a way to balance perceived inner needs with the needs of the others.  And thereby, learn in the doing, ways of coping with their own inner demons, so to speak, and gain a level of flexibility to be accommodating, and this will make the relationship work and the overall goals achievable for successfully raising the young to be healthy and happy and well‑adjusted.