Deep karmic repair can take a long time when you have people in your life who you have a deep involvement with who continually disappoint you and are a continued source of stress. You will naturally react and be hurt by all that happens. You cannot be made impervious to harm, so unless and until you have a perfect environment, some negativity will come your way and you will react as a human, and more so than average because it is all about you, and you are primed to feel very deeply the slings and arrows coming your way from those who have been such a burden all along in your life. Healing of all that takes time and they are going to lag you greatly in their progress—that is a further drain on your energy and will keep more vulnerability going, and this is unavoidable. The pace of your healing will depend, in par, on your ability to stand strong and not over-interpret the ups and downs you feel from day to day, because of what might be going on with others around you, and other life circumstances. Keep in mind you have the divine in your corner working on your behalf—things will improve over time. It is always possible for you to stand in your own way, and that will be fueled by any doubts you feel, and especially when allowed to become your conclusion about how things are going.
You need to be a role model for your deep subconscious in seeing that you are resolute, disciplined, and determined to make your life better, and that you have the strength and wherewithal to devise a plan and stick to it and keep going no matter what—that is the kind of encouragement that will make a difference for the deep subconscious, so it does not wallow in the negativity of all the past history that has accumulated, and will begin to have faith in you and believe in your expectation things will get better. This will bring the parts of your mind into better alignment and will help overall in reducing the stress that you feel as tension and anxiety and becomes a drain to undermine you. There is much you can do to help minimize this vicious cycle. It is not easy but it is within your power. Your fear is simply the exaggerated expectation of failure, so it exists only as an idea, not an actuality—this is good to keep in mind—if you look at yourself and are not bleeding, you can rightly conclude there is no cause for great alarm, what you are feeling is leftover anguish from old wounds. The answer for that will be the long-term healing underway, so there is nothing really for you to do in the moment and you can rightly conclude that “all is well” even if not fully settled deep within—that will come in time.