DWQA QuestionsCategory: Limiting BeliefsIs the overwhelming need for power and control, in fact, an overcompensating desire to provide an adequate level of safety for the self and ones the self cares for?
Nicola Staff asked 3 months ago

This is an insightful analysis of the interrelationship that seems paradoxical to many, who see those whose outstanding characteristic is being domineering and controlling as being quite strong and may be effective in what they do and possessing leadership qualities, and never guess they might be harboring great doubts or fear, and using those behaviors in a desire to compensate for that inner weakness and uncertainty, but it may well be the case. When people are controlling and acting in an arrogant, demanding way, they are reacting to an inner uncertainty and need for safety, and actually fear being out of control because they do not believe enough in themselves and cannot trust others to be fair and kind and nurturing, and so they must try to control other people, and perhaps will arrange things to keep them at arm’s length, to keep them busy with some kind of make-work projects, and so on, all because they cannot trust letting that person get too close. And they see to it by engineering a task or a duty through expectation, and pressure the other person to comply—it is all a ruse to avoid putting themselves at risk in trusting others to get close.

So people vary widely in how they respond to inner fear. Some fight back and will go on the attack because to do so is reassuring that they do have power after all, and an ability to control their environment as a way of reassuring themselves that things will turn out okay and they have the power and wherewithal to make it so. Others will crumble and may even become non-functional when they are forced into situations where they feel they are at the mercy of others who will take advantage of them and, whether this is a real and accurate perception or simply fear, it can render a person helpless when severe enough. So both strategies are ultimately unsatisfactory and lead to further problems; what is needed always is deep healing to restore a feeling of safety for themselves and others they care about so they will be able to enjoy a period of calm and stability free from anxiety and tension.