A practitioner asks: “I’m finding that with the clarity that comes from the healing through the protocols, there are also a lot of feelings of shame, guilt and embarrassment about the past as well as a lot of “could haves,” “should haves,” and “would haves.” At the moment, I feel like I’m just reliving everything in my head and I’m finding it difficult to focus on the present moment and enjoying the healing changes that the protocols have brought about. Being mindful and communing with Creator helps but it’s difficult to do this at all times, especially when at work or busy. There’s constant fear and worry and fear of judgement from others about past mistakes even though, in the grand scheme of things, the mistakes I’ve made haven’t been that bad. I understand that I’m coming from a different starting point that makes me feel different from others and why I’ve often been isolated and alone, so I’m guessing that I’m lacking in the general life experience that others have to move on from past mistakes. I’d like to be as fighting fit as possible for what is to come in the days ahead without fear that my mind will be full of worry about things that don’t really matter. Can Creator offer advice on what to focus on as a healing need in the protocols to help with this, to strengthen soul attributes and change beliefs and programming to be able to deal with the past and move on from the leftover guilt and shame?”

What you are experiencing are the growing pains inevitable with progress. Paradoxically, gaining ground through healing can sharpen the discernment about remaining faults and the contrast between what you see now being needed and more of an ideal, with how you used to be, and somewhat recoiling in horror realizing how out of alignment you were at times. This is very typical of the double-edged sword represented by new knowledge. Knowing more is not a magic solution and passport to blissful living. In a sense, it is akin to being too beaten-down to feel badly about what you are missing and how you compared to others. But once things begin to improve, it whets the appetite for more, and the standards and objectives and goals will often increase, and in the process, the contrast with where you have come from will seem all the greater and may well trigger many regrets about missed opportunities. The lengthy struggle to improve things, we would say, comes with the territory, being the price of progress as an all too human recognition and reaction. Another analogy is thinking about how a person feels when they are out of alignment and feeling relatively numbed by trauma. One thing that can happen with receiving advanced healing work is a reconnection and strengthening of the link to the higher self and with that, may be the experiencing of pangs of conscience which are quite intense. Whereas previously, such feelings were relatively absent because of disability from the intense suffering. So again, this is a price of progress and not a perspective representing a valid justification to beat up on yourself with blame and shame. Those are counterproductive and self-destructive impulses and simply an all too human reaction to personal imperfection. When you are further along with your healing and further strengthen, you will be more capable and better at standing strong and being less perturbed by past shortcomings and liabilities.